How the perfect complement to a prized kitty treat could ever be a chaser of “licking my own ass”.
Nothing Puts A Damper On The Weekend…
I Believe We May Have Just Crossed Some Sort Of Scary Line
because we are now the proud owner of one of these,
and I’m pretty sure that means that my cats and their elimination habits are now the boss of me.
The Good, The Bad, and The Disgusting
I Wonder If There’s A Twelve Step Group For This
Standards And Measures
As I am a rather “artsy-fartsy” girl and my husband is an engineer, it is not surprising that we have very different communication styles:
-he enjoys finding ways to turn everyday situations into helpful, instructive math problems; I enjoy finding ways to turn everyday situations into sarcastic, snark-laden posts for my blog which allow for the frequent use of words like “ass” and “bongjillion”, as well as the breaking of every grammar rule known to man.
-he describes his world in precise, easy to understand terms like, “My ear hurts.”; I am incapable of communicating without the assistance of exaggeration and hyperbole as in, “There is a monkey drumming through my eardrum with a nail that has been heated to the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns!”
-I view everything in life as either the best, most amazing thing EVER! or the worst possible travesty ever to be inflicted upon mankind for which someone deserves to DIE!; the most common level of emotional reaction to a situation to which he is willing to commit is, “perhaps”.
So needless to say, we’ve had to work to find some common communication ground.
Through some unfortunate trial and error my husband has learned that if I ever send him the following text message:
I HATE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING!
that he must drop whatever he is doing and perform an immediate intervention, so as to prevent me from sending a piece of our electronic equipment to its fiery doom.
However we have managed to find one area of mutual understanding and that area is, of course, the scale by which we determine The Urgency Of Our Need To Pee, as measured in Units Of Riley.
Riley is my in-laws’ little Cairn Terrier, and he is famous in the family both for the amount of pee he can contain within his tiny, canine body, as well as the intensity with which he can release it. And so being the kind of people that we are, people who notice the random, goofy crap that most people miss, people who like to bring up private, bodily functions in everyday conversation so as to horrify our mothers, we naturally took advantage of Riley’s urinary prowess and coined the phrase, “peeing like Riley”.
And so, while we may differ on which is the preferred political party, and we may disagree on whether or not women should be allowed to be priests, and we may be worlds apart when it comes to deciding whether a given song should be classified as “country” or “Southern rock”, when one or the other of us proclaims,
“Dude! I’ve gotta pee like 5 Rileys!”
Our minds are one.
Great Imponderable Mysteries of the Universe #4
I realize (I don’t like it-especially when it is performed directly in front of someone who has just entered our house, a person we are trying to welcome into the warm, comforting blanket of our hospitality-but I get it) that for cats, sniffing one another’s ass is the social equivalent of “catching up” with each other and small talk.
But, Tigger: if Pip has spent the last 8 hours sound asleep, in the exact same spot, in the exact same position-not moving a single muscle-then has the information contained in her furry grey hind end REALLY changed so much that you need to investigate it as if it is the feline version of the Rosetta Stone?
I think not.
Signs That It Might Be Time To Lay Off The Cold Medicine
Welcome To My World
While making the Blog Fodder rounds last week I found this awesomely hysterical, and excruciatingly accurate post over at BritCats which I just had to mention here. It is entitled, “Wrapping Presents (With A Cat).”
1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.
3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
Tigger Strikes Again!
It is not always easy, this living with three cats. We spend A Lot of our time thinking of things that we want to do, and then trying to figure out how we can prevent the cats from then wrecking it.
For example, my husband brought in one of our plants this morning because we didn’t want it to freeze outside (although it was my personal opinion that the plant would have a better chance of survival outside than it would inside, where it would be at the mercy of Team Destructo.)
In order to be extra careful, he took the pot containing the plant and put it inside another, heavier pot, thinking that would make it much more difficult for the beasts to knock it over. Because, oh, The Knocking Things Over, how they do love it! I’ve almost decided to just go ahead and leave all of the trash cans in the Permanently Knocked-Over Position, just to make it easier for them to root around in all of our garbage. (Because buried deep inside the trash cans is where we keep all of our treasures-don’t you?) [Read more…] about Tigger Strikes Again!
