Why we have ever spent any money at all on cat toys.
A Really Hard Day At The Office
All Work And No Play…
…makes me a loaded grenade of snarkiness just waiting for something to come along and pull out my pin.
I am in Chicago at a conference, and after 3 days I must admit that there is really nothing inherently funny about professional conferences. I’ve been forced to find creative ways to throw out phrases like, “totally talking out of my ass” from time to time just to lighten up the tone a bit.
Sure, we do have a conference leader who spends approximately 60% of his time “shush-ing” us from the front of the room, as if we were all 5 years old. But that’s not so much funny as it is unbelievably irritating, to the point where I just want to rush up onto the stage, rip out his tongue, and with it club him into insensibility because please, dear God, the shush-ing, MAKE IT STOP!
And then today we had a speaker who took an extremely interesting approach to group presentations. His talk consisted of verbally abusing us for about an hour and a half (for example, calling us a big bunch of whiners) and then (Important Side Note: I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP) if we complained, or questioned his approach, or really even dared to say anything at all, he made us pay him $2. I’m a little fuzzy on all the details of exactly how this is going to work, but apparently the process of our paying him to be really mean to us is going to turn us all into amazingly successful business owners.
Sadly, tub poo is actually starting to seem like a pleasant alternative.
We Now Interrupt This Blog For A Very Special Public Service Announcement
Attention All Guys
You know how you will sometimes be in an extremely public place like, say, standing in front of the arrivals and departures board in the terminal of a very busy airport, and you will blatantly and flagrantly start to rearrange yourself, apparently believing that you are somehow shielded by a special cloak of invisibility?
Well, WE CAN SEE YOU!
We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.
Who Knew?
Today has been a mixture of tutoring some students in Spanish and getting ready to go out of town for a conference.
I guess getting ready for my trip has put me a little on edge, because by my last tutoring session my answers to the student’s questions had become a bit flippant and sarcastic.
This caused him to stop, put down his pen, look at me, and say, “Hm, apparently smart ass is catching. Who knew?”
Why I Love My Husband So Much: Reason 6
Image courtesy of Free Photo.
His sense of humor, as evidenced by the following conversation we had when discussing what to plant in our front yard.
Me: “I like things like sunflowers and daisies. I want to plant happy flowers, flowers that welcome you to our home.”
My husband: “OK that’s fine, but I really don’t think that there are any flowers that actually tell people to go f*#@ off.”
Nothing Can Ruin A Relaxing Spring Evening…
My Crack Support Team
Do you remember those choose-your-own adventure books that were really popular back in the 1980’s? Well, today’s post is going to follow that format.
My mother-in-law, Gardener Extraordinaire, is coming for a visit this weekend to help us do some landscaping around our house.
If you are the person who runs your household, continue reading here. So of course that has meant 2 days of cleaning the entire house, doing countless loads of laundry, dumping all the trash, airing out the guest room, washing all of the bed linens, cleaning the cat boxes and moving them out of the guest room, planning meals, making sure I had all the ingredients for the meals, scrubbing the guest bathroom, making sure we have clean towels, budgeting the landscaping purchases, trading cars with my spouse so that I have the SUV for bringing said purchases home, and making sure that we have suitable entertainments planned.
If you are not the person who runs your household, continue reading here. So of course that meant we were visited by the Laundry Fairy, the Housekeeping Fairy, and the Meal Planning and Preparation Fairy who, with a simple flick of their magic wands, effortlessly and instantaneously prepared the house for her visit.
Apparently, all of my frenetic activity of the past 2 days was only made possible due to some sort of energetic Vulcan mind meld performed between me and my cats, whereby I increased my daily energy capacity by sucking away all of theirs. Because, boy, did I get a lot done. And man, were they tired.
Pip
Tigger
Bailey
The Definition Of Insanity
I Really Do Learn Something Every Day
Today is the day when we put the sprinklers out to water the lawn in preparation for the warmer weather. This is an ex-tre-me-ly involved process which involves detailed diagrams, complex mathematical calculations, advanced satellite imagery, and multi-layered topographical and geological surveys. At least, it does here at our house.
And what I learned today is that At No Time during this process is it a good time to request of your husband that he help you locate some AA batteries for the camera so you can take a picture THIS INSTANT, because you just figured out a funny way to blog about what he’s doing.
