The Rest Of The Story

A few people have wondered about the rest of the “poo” related story from Saturday. And since I can’t think of a compelling topic for a Thursday Thirteen today (“Thirteen Theories On Why My Head Produces So Much Snot When I’m Sick”, “Thirteen Different Ways To Describe The Fiery Sore Throat Of Death”), I thought I’d write about this instead.

The friend who told us this story has recently become friends with a local police officer, and it was he who told her this story.

Apparently this police officer was called to be backup at an arrest. The subject in question was not happy about being arrested, and was also worried about what the police might find should they choose to search all of his stuff. So, in move that probably explains why he was being arrested in the first place, the subject decided to distract the police and came up with the brilliant plan of pooing on their shoes.

This, of course, only angered the police further, ensuring that they went over all of his stuff with a fine-toothed comb, and led to the discovery of many illegal substances.

When the subject was brought before the judge, in addition to all of the other charges that resulted from his possession of illegal substances, the officers tried to get him charged with aggravated assault, on account of the whole poo-ing thing. The judge would not give them that, since “poo is not a deadly weapon.” But he did give them felony battery because, as we would all most certainly agree, “that is just really gross.”

“And now,” to quote Paul Harvey, “you know the rest of the story.”