Many thanks for this to Diane, Queen of Plan Be.
A New Weight Loss Program
Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, as this was a stupid question, I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again.
Although I probably shouldn’t, because I’d ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified , she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s ass and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!
WAL-MART won’t let me shop there anymore!!!
hmmmmmmmmmm…that woman probably went home and told a friend about this new diet…who is going to tell a friend about the new diet…who is going to tell someone else…who is going to sue “purina” for dog food that cannot be consummed by humans…and soon we will hear on the nightly news:
“beware…your dog food might be the next diet that kills you!”
hee hee
OMG LOL
HA! I was reading this going “Jenny, you DIDN’T!” (repeatedly).
I obivously missed the “Many thanks for this to Diane, Queen of Plan Be.” at the beginning of the post.
This is hilarious – the Irish Setter line nearly made me fall off my chair – and even tho you credit Diane, Queen of Plan Be, I can SO see you doing this with a straight (cute) face!!!
*Dies laughing* Awesome. Just awesome.